I lost it. | Journaling

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My husband is excited to go to a “life planning retreat” -- aka 2 nights with me and the dog at the Getaway House in Virginia. And today, while talking about summer trips and budgets, I realized that my “bag of goals” is kinda empty. But me? The master of life planning? The person who turns dreams into reality? It can’t be. But it is.

I started asking myself where I left that person who, at some point, was teaching people how to set goals AND make things happen. I lost it. I completely lost it.

I got a vision board. I got planners. And I even put up a “Free Guide to Goal Setting That Works” (and let me tell you, it really does). And here I am: sitting in front of my computer, shamelessly saying that I’m on what I call “surviving mode.” With a mind full of ambitions, yes, but nothing really clear. Nothing on the paper. No wonder why it’s been hard to get off bed-- in the long term, I feel like I got nothing to look forward to.

A question: but why?

For the past year and a half I’ve just been dealing with a lot, mentally speaking. It’s been challenging. And little by little, I let that fire go down. Maybe, in the process of working on myself, my issues, my thoughts, trying to heal my past, I started neglecting my future. And my goals, and all the things I had to look forward to, started disappearing. One by one, they just got lost and forgotten.

I also put a lot of energy into the house we just sold a month ago. That project took over a year to be completed. & suck the life out of me. Maybe that’s also part of this. I focused on that one goal, and now that’s done, I feel like I got none.

I told a coaching client of mine to do the “Dreamlist” (my online guide to goal setting that works), and I told her I needed to do it, too. That was three months ago. You see, it’s hard to measure progress, or time… Months pass so fast. But I wonder what difference it’d have made in my life if I only have done that damn goal setting exercise when I said I would.

I think this thought that crossed my mind today was a wake up call. And I realized that, as much as I need to heal, this is not my final destination. Therefore, I need one (or four). If I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know what path to take. Life, for me, is not like going on a walk without knowing where we’ll end up. I need structure. I need why. I need clarity. I don’t move in the dark.

And it’s not like I don’t have exciting things going on right now— I mean, I’m about to launch Red Skirt Media. I’m traveling to NYC next week. I’m filming female entrepreneurs I admire. I do have things to be excited about. But I still need to organize these thoughts, plans, ideas, dreams. To keep my fire up— in the long run.

So yea... a “life planning retreat” sounds great. Go to the woods for 2 days. Sit down. Get clear. Align my ambitions with how I want to feel. Be intentional. Set goals. Deadlines. Make plans. And get myself excited to get up in the morning again.

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Xo,
Izabelle