I’m Prescribing “No” - Side Effects May Include Positive Life Changing Experiences
One day I found this very interesting Ted Talk with the title “The Magic of Not Giving a F*ck” ~ and of course I shared it everywhere. It’s a very good talk about intentionally choosing how you’re going to spend your time, energy and money. And not feel sorry about it.
Well, easier said than done. Saying “no” is actually F* hard, that’s what it is. But it doesn’t mean you can’t learn it. I’ve been practicing it for a while, and although I haven’t mastered it yet, I’m getting closer each time I do it. And that’s also part of what I teach and encourage other women to do.
It can be easier when you put yourself first, and that’s often mistaken with selfishness, especially if you’re a female. It’s inside our culture, it’s inside the beliefs that are passed to us. And it has to change - for the sake of all of us who are struggling to find more time, more money, more joy, and stop sabotaging our future. But this is a topic I’ll go back to in the future. For now, let’s stick with this: I’m prescribing “No”. This “medicine” is free, you can find it in yourself, and you can take as many doses of it as you want.
How you can find it you ask? Here’s a little help:
Let’s start reframing: you won’t be saying no to anything or anyone. You’ll be saying yes to you. Think of it as a necessary process to be mentally healthier… because it is. Regret headaches? Not anymore. Overwhelm? Frustration? Well, these feelings will still be part of your life, c’est la vie after all, but you’ll experience them less often.
Reevaluate your priorities. I mean, make a list of priorities if you don’t know yours yet, and follow through. What’s really important to you? What are the activities or individuals that could be putting you away from your goals and priorities?
Pay attention to how you feel. What activities and people make you feel more alive, bring joy to your life? What’s leading you to anxiety or feeling low? This kind of awareness is so important. Try to be more conscious about what lights you up, but especially about what doesn’t.
Trust your gut. You have an amazing instinct, but you gotta trust it more, dear. Listen to what it’s telling you.
Be intentional. Intentional living is a topic that I’ll be writing about pretty soon, but for now, I’ll leave you with this: be more intentional about your choices. Choosing intentionally is choosing consciously. It’s know why you’re making that decision - either it’s a yes or no. It can be about the food you put your belly, the color you choose for your room, or the people you hang out with.
Now, once you have all your priorities, feelings and conscious choices, you know exactly to whom and what you should be saying no to. It’s time to start applying it to your life on a regular bases. You can do it you know why? Because you deserve this. You deserve to say yes to feeling better, to achieving more, and to what really matters.
Now side effects may include positive life changing experiences, but you gotta also be ready to deal with the people you might be pissing off. You need to be unapologetic about your choices. They’re not used to you allowing yourself to say yes to you, not to them. Don’t feel sorry. It’s not your issue, it’s theirs. So do one more thing: set boundaries.
Now go practice it.
This magic of not giving a f* thing takes time - be patient and gentle to yourself. Promise?